I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
