bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
