Someone shit on the floor
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
