dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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