I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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