i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
