and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
