so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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