you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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