the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
