operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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