youre lurking in front of me
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
