Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
