Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
what day is it and did you see me today?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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