we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
