I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
