I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I smell stomach acid.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
