Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
