Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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