I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
