Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I just sucked dick on a ferry
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
