i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
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