R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Randomize
