cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
