I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
