True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
