just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
