She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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