Where are you?
In a non slutty way
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Randomize
