are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Randomize
