apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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