You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
