I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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