I think i peed on brittanys purse
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
