im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
My feet surprised me
Randomize
