Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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