Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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