You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
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I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
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I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
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