Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
