I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
