did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
