How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
he's single and there are thong briefs.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
