No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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