I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
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