it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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