Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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