Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
it's like heaven, but drunker
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
