actually, I'm a sock model
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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