watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
