I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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