That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
