MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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