I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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