Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Its about making memories worth repressing
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
