no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
