just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Drunk is not a location!
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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