yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
