I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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