So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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