dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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