i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
