your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
