Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
