I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
