so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
