quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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