They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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