Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
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That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Can I color on your dick again?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
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At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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