That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
