Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
