whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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