You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
