Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
