i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
