Capitaan dildo arrescate!
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
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