yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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