READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
