I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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