I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
